The Rebirth Experiment -Entry 01-

What Have I Been Doing?:

-Sleep deprivation.

Wake time: January. 30. 2010. 12:20 PM.

It is now January. 31. 2010. 6:03 AM.

-I've been sitting here alone in my dark painted room for for six hours. I'm thinking of repainting...

-Being paranoid.

-Impulsive thinking. Just letting my thoughts go uncontrolled... Well, most of it anyway, some thoughts I have to keep under control for fear it might cause a disaster.

-9:xx AM I've had some coffee. 10:0x AM I meditated with sounds. 11:0x AM I was asleep and dreaming. Actually, I hit the dreaming state right after I feel asleep. 1:2x PM I awoke up. Two hours of sleep.

Effects:

6:00 AM
-Extreme paranoia (I've even made a phone call to get someone to keep me company. Note: Person did not pick up, perhaps it's for the better...).
-Senses:
         =Lights are almost eye squinting bright
         =Volume control on my laptop that is usually raised to around 70% is now running around in the 20%.
         =My hearing has enhanced greatly.
-Emotion:
         =Happy music raises my emotion to a entering a high energy crowd at a concert.
         =Darker emotions drops it the same, just the other way.
-I'm still experiencing exploding head syndrome very frequently.
-I have also been experiencing pressure on my physical and astral body. These last four hours.
-Flashes:
         =They are so vivid, just like how I had expected it to be and it did not stop for hours.
-Time:
         =Just as how I had predicted it, it has no meaning in realm. I've dropped all worries about time, because it no longer matters to me.


UPDATES:
7:03 AM
I'M GETTING CLOSER!!! I CAN FEEL IT!!
9:18 AM
I like this feeling. I am tired yet I am energized. [Note: This is also the full moon and starting not too long ago, it began wanning. Full and Wanning are my best phases. New and Waxing is not]
3:49 PM
My body wants to shut off. My eyes want to close, but my mind is active, and racing. My bones ache and time is beginning to matter less and less to me. (Yes, I am your typical insomniac, why is this experiment any different? Because I am letting the majority of my mind run wild. I am doing intensive meditation to the point where I can feel the health and power of my chakras.






INPUT [My entries, I would most probably be the only one to understand my rant entries.]:
9:11 AM
Words haunting me... Why does it bother me? Why do I feel guilt? This is my reality isn't it? Why should I feel bad even if I don't want to? "I am some work of art aren't I?" I scream at myself over and over and over...
9:16 AM
Okay, I will give him his money back. Just as soon as I get mine back.
3:54 PM
I feel a great sense of gratefulness. I am generally grateful for what I have, what I can get and achieve and for the people that consider me as friend. But this gratefulness is can almost be labeled emotional.
3:59 PM
Sadness is a beautiful thing in a way.