[Day #10]

It's 6:00AM. It's snowing outside, it's cold inside, I think I had only a few minutes of sleep.

A man held a glass bottle of olive oil in one hand and a cup in the other. Another man, hair short, grey and white. He wore a leather jacket. This leather jacket man came up to the glass bottle man and shoved a knife into him in a simple emotionless stab. This replayed itself, but with emotion. The leather jacket man held the glass bottle man close, in a hug, it was intimate, as if they had been very close friends since kids, the leather man stabbed him, quick and clean.

Another dream, a man with short grey hair walked into our car with a lit cigar, he stood right next to the no smoking sign talking to someone. He smoked, either he was completely unaware or he pretended not to.

I think I'm sick. My throat is swelling.

My thoughts have settled from the week of ecstasy with Lionel. My emotions are settling back to themselves. I am no longer sociable. I am no longer "gleeful" as Lionel had called it, it sounded so insulting when he said it. I am once again tired, bitterness sets in. My back aches. My neck hurts.

It's so cold out nothing is moving.

I went out to smoke in the snow by myself. It wasn't as cold as I thought it was going to be. I thought it was going to be freezing, and I'm wearing fishnet stockings. Mark came out in his gym clothes he has been wearing since yesterday and asked for a puff of mine. The snow was so soft my boots instantly sunk in a couple inches. The air was so fresh it was unreal.

Pulsing, thudding, hot, heavy, pounding, unbearable, monstrous headache.

The silence is kicking in, I am becoming unsociable.

I've just finished meditating on my chakras. I took my time. The headache is gone.

I went down to the snack bar and bought myself a pizza and a coffee. Mark sat with me even though he wasn't going to have anything until later in the evening.