Elevator Meditation #01

An elevator, all in black with white outlines. The number ten was above the door to the right, it was black in a white circle. Dorothy stood to my right. She said nothing. Going down...
9...
8...
7... Colors appeared, shaping the elevator.
6... Lucidity.
5... Dorothy is fades.
4... My mother appears at my right.
3... The walls turned to dull dim mirrors.
2... The mirrors were clear. Too clear. I saw myself, black combat boots, my usual clothes, hair oily as if I haven't showered in days (but I showered this morning).
1... The door opened. People in suits walking quickly in all directions. I'm not getting off here. I stepped back and forced the door closed.
I took it to zero.
The door openned. Alfred was to my left, cleanning something. The walls were shelves full of books going high up into the ceiling.
I went to the south wall and pulled out a book. It was brown and white. "Lolita" bible/cookbook (bible or cookbook was not it's name, but the impression of the name). I flipped through and saw an image of two cats facing me. I turnned the page and saw the two cats facing away froom me on the same page.
I couldn't read the words in the book. I tried hard. I could write it, but they weren't English. I went to contents page. The first page had "cattails", "bunnytails", second page was full titles like, "lolita bow", "lolita shoe". I sat down on a black couch, a coffee table was between this couch and another one seatter couch. Roger Smith sat down across from me. He asked me what I wanted to know...