They're Not Dreams

These past two weeks I've been falling asleep and waking up in a rhythm that makes me think I haven't slept at all. I'm probably getting two to four hours of sleep a night, and every moment I've spent with my eyes closed are packed full of imagery. They're not dreams anymore. They're not what I see in my meditations either. This is different, like entering that plane where I heard that music, except I'm not going anywhere. It is like a cross over of a lucid dream, astral projection and every meditation and spiritual practice ever thought up and practiced into one amazing one. It's like my brain exploded and the colors are beautiful! It's not sleep either, I don't think it is anyway, it feels way too different. My entire being is weightless, for hours until I get up. There is no pain from mental or physical exhaustion, there's nothing actually good or bad, only that universal estacy traveling through every inch of my being for hours, which would probably be labeled good, but if you've felt it, you'll agree with me that it can't be labeled.

Also I've been eating very very very little now. I can barely finish half a small of bowl of food. Meat is repulsive. My body rejects it from three feet away. I would find it appealing until I come close and then turn away. It's not that it looks disgusting, it just feels disgusting.

How I've reached this point is probably because I've been meditating a lot, I've been doing yoga with the intention of purity, sleeping with a candle lit at night, I've also been drinking a lot of dandelion tea and taking fish oil, vitamin c supplements, beet root and biotin. I still have a really addictive personality, I've replaced hard liquor with coffee and I'm trying to replace coffee with green/black/dandelion tea. It's rough to get rid of it completely. I don't know why I'm trying so hard to be healthy. Oh, that's right, I've just recently developed a fear of physical aging. If I find my way around it, I'll jump back into binge drinking without a second thought.