Peter's Shadow.

2010 November 02 Tuesday

I will describe my hallucinations and flashes that take over my vision that I will have in the next sixty minutes:

Caterpillar crawling around my crotch. Yeah, I feel it, and I see it too. A flash of a clown. A flash of wooden puppets in dim orange-yellow lighting. Albert smoking outside at night. An itch, a feather, I can't remember the color, a false angel... I hate those things... This one looks like some see through light-peach colored paper strips wrapped up to make a human-like figure, I can see one eye peeking through, the other is covered by shadows, it holds the long feather against my back. Eyeballs, various eyeballs bouncing around, squishing sounds. Strip club, very dim lighting, a large woman with long hair and very heavy makeup and layers of lingerie on top of each other. Dozens of caterpillars in my tea. A penis going through some guy's forehead. Cold, like how it would be cold on a night near a large body of water. I hear the water now, sounds like a lake. Being shoved out of a car by some guy I used to date. Piercing ice-cold water knocks the breath out of me and stabs at my lungs like billions of microscopic needles. I look up and see some white bear-human thing with a blue face looking at me with one (right) green eye and the other (left) eye is blue. A fish, salmon? Just one though, I think it's face froze at the ice. I was outside a second ago, now I'm in an ice cave lit bright white. A wooden nutcracker (I'm not a fan of wooden puppets and clowns, I think these are Albert's flashes). Bleeding in a car that's driving over 100mph down a curving slope and having an orgasm at the same time. Wine glass filled with expensive wine and sand. Barnacles, black ones. In the bathroom, on some sort of drug, I'm on the toilet urinating while looking up into the eyes of someone, I'm not sure if it's a male or female or both, but their eyes are the size of two baseballs. An exotic blueish-silver butterfly flying and crawling into my ear, scraping and scratching to get deeper. A wolf man, he rapes a woman with long light brown hair, she's wearing a silk black robe that comes with a red belt/strap, it's open. I don't know if she's enjoying it or not, it's hard to tell, but there's a lot of THICK blood in the crotch area. Oh, now she has a crown thing, the one Wonder-Woman has. I'm in the ocean, it's clear and light blue, but I'm really deep in the ocean, deeper than anyone has gone, passed the darkness... HAH, passed the darkness there is light... Very funny... I turn to my right and there's this weird very long creature, like a soft rounded worm-seal, it doesn't have any arms or legs, I can't see's its tail, it's too big for me to see it, and it has a dark grey humanish face, like a thousand year old cranky/disgusted man, but that's just the way it looks, no idea how it actually feels. Strawberries and honey spilling of a glove compartment in the same car I was in the the earlier flash. Orgasm, a large worm bursts out, the one that was crawling around my crotch earlier, he enlarged by 5000x. The worm is wet and turns to look at me, it's face is a two-million-year-old man's face, it open it's mouth, no sound, it has horns, white hair, it's body dull green color, looks the same as the caterpillar that was crawling on the floor earlier, except for the head. A flash, Pinocchio from Shriek. Another flash, a great white shark. Lying on a bed in a motel, holding a gun and chewing a few bullets in my mouth, one hanging around my lips, I'm wearing white lingerie, looking out the window I see stores, the kind of stores you would see at very small towns, and behind that is mountains, really close, I'm on one. Maybe it's Oregon. It's not sunny, it's not dark, it is like how it would look when the sky can't decide on whether or not the rain or shine. An itch in my throat, black-silver butterflies, the same species as before, crawls, flutters, lands, scratches, I look up and open my mouth, one crawls out of my mouth, a few fly out. Putting on layers and layers of eyeliner on top of each other, a small burnt man (fried to the point that his skin his black and if you touch him he'll flake) with his eyes that seem to have popped out of his sockets stare at me in the mirror. Alien. A memory of a mushroom trip I had, when I was looking up at the ceiling and seeing life, animals being born, running, getting tired, falls, birth of new and it just keeps going, it spirals up into the center of the ceiling and it repeats so much I can't see what happens at the center. The butterfly that crawled out of my mouth lands on my ear and crawls in, not viciously this time. I'm laying in the clouds with the butterflies. Peter Pan walks up to me with his hands on his hips. I don't look at him, but I see his shadow. I'm three years old, I'm at a Lee's Sandwiches with my mother, she had just ordered sandwiches for people at home, I'm dragging along a rag doll, my size (jeez, I've forgotten all about that doll), my mother looks at me and makes a face that made me laugh. A friend just said goodnight to me over myspace IM and my mind instantly flashed me tying him to a computer chair with brown sailor's rope, he spoke of dreaming about spiders and I saw them hanging around the room and crawling all over us. An itch in my throat, I open my mouth and one black-silver-green butterfly flew out.

Okay, I had actually gone into a meditative state doing this so this whole thing wasn't just flashes and hallucinations, it was a rough journey. I've never meditated on a totem like this before.