A Violent, Intense Struggle -Missing Entry-

Yesterday evening, I was sitting in a moving car going sixty on the freeway. It was rainning. And I was very motivated thanks to the full moon. Through all my notes, I've found that water, the full and wanning moon has a very nifty impact on me. Rain and full moon combined was driving me crazy. A little annoyance, like bad grammar, would led me to rage, BUT can quickly shift to happiness and gratefullness. Being a libra and sensitive to other forces, this was shifting way too quickly, and the feelings were way too intense. Besides snapping at people a few times, I've manage pretty well.

I meditated in that moving car. I haven't meditated in months. I figured if I stay away from anything and everything that links me to magic, I'll forget and those creatures will leave me alone. I knew it wasn't possible, I could put a cork in it, but that'll only hold for so long, until somethings triggers and makes it pop. A person, a smell, a sound, a movie, a quote, religion, etc., it's unavoidable. Adding to this, Kikaider, also Missing is back.

Yesterday, I opened myself back into that world with open arms, even to the golems, even projection.

I pulled energy into my third eye, a few pulls and I saw one big eye ball that was outlined in aura colors (every color flashing every color at once) mainly purple. A few pulls later that eyeball moved back and showed me the other eye, it was very large on the creature it was. The creature was shirvied, like an immortal human that hasn't had any food or water in centuries. I gasped. Wonder what that thing is. Was it Missing? Could be. Then I doubt it. So it's not. It's just some curious wandering thing. I can't believe I mistook it as Missing.

I went to church. There was a mass going on because of Thanksgiving, I sat in the back, where the wall is, because there isn't any room anywhere else. The concentration was mainly up front, I guess, the ones that arrived early for church. The focus was barely there in the back area, they must have thinking about dinner or something of that manner. Everyone stood up to "hold hands" and I took that moment to walk over to the holy water fountain, and before I reached it, the middle section that led down toward the preist, was pulling me. The buzz was very strong, I've never felt something so thick and concentrated. I wanted to run and jump up and down in the middle section that set the two bleachers apart. But I really did not want to spasm in the middle of the church screaming something, mainly because I saw some familiar faces. I wouldn't mind doing it if everyone understood demons and possesion. I'm sure more than half the church would wave that thought away, saying movies and stories. I accidentally dunked my entire hand into the holy water, a few people saw me, I threw the water around my neck and walked out. I didn't mind them thinking whatever they were thinking. *crosses arms like a little kid* I'm not religious so I don't have to follow their rules.

Anyway, the water didn't burn me with liquid needles this time... But the gift shop did. I was scanning the crosses and statues with my left hand, I bumped into a few concentrated ones and it slowly pierced long needles into my arm, from the palm of my hand and up my arm, slowly until I couldn't move my left hand anymore, it was numb. I continued, with my right hand. I traced the coins, and took two (One Day At A Time and Lady of Loreto) not from what it says but from how much concentration it had and took a The Fivefold Scapular made of wool. The Scapular gave me a head rush that lasted hour an hour after I stuck it against my head for a few seconds. I haven't even opened the plastic bag it was in.

I meditated myself to sleep. Pushing aura out and burning those strange black pieces of all sizes that was in my aura with a bright white light. I've never fully manage to see that white light that made me want to squit to see it, but I was able to tonight. My aura... Was freakin dirty. I felt like I spent a few days doing that.

I awoke an hour or two later, freakin dehydrated like a fish. I drank about 16 ounces in one go..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Hah... This must be why I was dehydrated every waking hour no matter how much water I drank, at jobcorp. HAH!