A Field of Spider Webs

Last night before I went to sleep. I spoke to my sister about how I wasn't going to back out of the decision I've made to go to Chicago. It's expensive, I could use the money to get a car, food and things I need. But I've already spoken to Lionel about it, and I would hate to pull a California move on him and make up some excuse of why I'm not going or tell him I've changed my mind. I'm going. I said I was and I am.

My sister asked me why I was going. I told her, "To keep my sanity"

"What's that?"

"I don't know"

I am going to buy the ticket this week. That way, I can't talk myself out of it.

I spent the night trying to force the thoughts of hideous gore out of my head, thinking about all of the worst case scenarios that could happen on the train and with Lionel, will the train go a different direction and take everyone on the train as hostages? Will we have to cross a narrow-bridge and possible run off a railings and into the ocean? How will I get out? Will the water electrocute me? Would Lionel even show up? Will I get shot the moment I step off the train for being Asian? Are there going to be any other Asians or will I have to suffer being the freak there? For sure we'll go walking through some park, what if I fall into a trap and get taken by aliens? What if Lionel falls into a trap and gets abducted by aliens? What do I do then?! How will I explain it to the town, his dad and sister? How bad of nightmares will I get sleeping there. Is Lionel a deep sleeper? Will he be able to wake me up? His dad is territorial about people washing the dishes, so I wonder if he would get angry if I used a pan to make eggs in the morning. Will I have to go buy cereal and live off that for the week?

Dream Entry:

I knew it. Another toilet dream. I've had a toilet dream everynight this week. This time it was in a porta potty.

The exit of the porta potty was covered in one big spider web. Two more big webs were just outside the door at a different angle. When I got passed that, there was a whole field I had to get through. Black widows and spiderwebs everywhere. It was set up like in those movies where a secret agent ha to go through complicated lasers that crossed over each other. I had to get through the webs by squeezing myself carefully through spaces between webs or between a web and a tree or wall. A few times I touched it and it hung on, but luckily there was no window. Another time I took a whole web with me but there was no widow. The widows weren't black though... They were different shades of grey, like as if they had dusty webs spun around them.