Psilocybin Mushroom #1

I am at Danial's, on his bed. Danial is at my right and Jazz is at my left. The room was green due to the hallucinogen. The first hour was just the colors swirling and mixing. Jazz's head was becoming a very sharp pyramid and she looked like she would bite my eyes. I traded places with Danial, taking the place next to the wall. After half an hour it was the typical trip you would see on shows. Vortex colors and swirling shapes that grin at you, mainly triangle shapes, patterned with smiling fruit icons. They kept swirling around and around in a triangle formation. Everytime the pattern changed or colors change, there will always be triangle icons and a triangle formation, not just in front of my, but everywhere else in different angles and parts of the room. Jazz threw her hand up and started waving it around. Since we were both laying on the bed, her hand looked like it stretched on forever and was really wobbly. Jazz and Danial were constantly cuddling and kissing, they were giggling and looking back at me and whispering. I had no idea what they were saying. In my head I thought they were laughing at me (I soon later founded out they were laughing because of the hallucinogen). I felt left out. And in my head, I thought Danial was mad at me and that later lead on to me thinking he wanted to kill me.


Sometime in my trip I took off my pants because they were really uncomfortable. I kept thinking I had to go to the bathroom because my body was reacting to the mushrooms like how it reacts to liquor, except with shrooms it was like 100 times more intense. I completely forgot what a "turn on" is. I searched for my pants on the bed. I had a very hard time finding it, even though it was right next to me. Jazz picked it up and handed it to me. I thanked her and looked for the waist part of it. I turned it over and over and could not find the waist part. I flapped it out (like what you do to blankets when you fold them). And the legs of my pants went far to the other side of the bed. I took a leg and threw it out again. It got longer. I kept doing it over and over and over. Both of my friends looked at me like I was a weirdo and asked me what I was doing. I said my pants were getting longer and kept throwing out the same leg over and over and over. Jazz saw it and took my pants and tried it. 


I told them I had to use the bathroom. Danial got off the bed to check the house to make sure no one was up. Jazz finally found a way to find the waist part of my pants and put my pants on for me since I couldn't function properly enough to do it myself. We held hands and walked together through the hallway that had walls that were pink and looked like mattresses. The hallway felt like it took several hours to walk through. We went into the bathroom and it was completely normal. We were talking in there for a little. I told her she looked like she just came out of a strobelight rave party, her hair was really cool. She was touching my hair and said "it's so smooth, how do you keep it like that?" 


Jazz said that she's going to see what Danial is doing. I said okay and she left the room. I washed my hands and looked deep into the mirror. I'd expected it to be terrifying when I looked into the mirror, it wasn't. I went back out of the bathroom and found Jazz standing with arms up in a "T" formation. I just stood there and watched her from inches away. She was grinning and told me that she was a tree and she repeated it over and over. I asked her if she needed help getting back to the room. She said no, she'll meet me in there. I was worried for a bit until she was able to put her arms down again. When they were back in the room. I kept asking the two if I had peed myself, they checked a lot of times, saying no. I kept going to the bathroom and leaving without doing anything, I must have gone back and forth from the room and bathroom about ten times. On my way to the bathroom, it took forever, even though the hallway took about two seconds to walk through for me, it took a few minutes. I had a very hard time getting my sentences together now. When I told them I needed to use the bathroom, it came out something like, "Have... Ba... Room... Use... Room... Room..." It was very frustrating.


There were things in the wall of the room, demon things, but they weren't demons, they were a cheap imitation of imaginary demons, and I knew it. There was a small hole in the wall, but big enough for me to crawl through, it was black and green, eyes and hands luring me into it. I reached out for them, because I didn't give a damn. I hit the wall. I couldn't get through. Eventually after a few tries, I started getting frustrated, frustrated that I couldn't get through and knew that it was stupid for me to think I can. I wanted to believe that it was real, but I knew I was tripping.


I came back from the bathroom for the umpteenth amount of time and crawled up on the computter chair. And I just sat there watching my Jazz cry and Danial muttering things that sounded angry. I grew tired of watching them repeat themselves over and over for what seemed like hours and looked over at the electric guitar. For some reason it looked sharp. I touched it, and I bled. I crawled onto the floor and just sat there. I sat up, wanting to see if I had really pierced myself with the guitar. I touched it. Nothing. It was smooth like normal. I took it and set it upside down againt the door. It was like an OCD. It felt right for it to be that way. My female friend asked me why I was doing that. I never answered.


The room flipped, it flipped like a damn picture book, and the colors were brighter, everything glowed green and blue, it flipped again, and everything and everyone were colored in different bathroom tiles, it flipped again and everything was bouncy, we and everything was soft and made of yarn, it was comfy but I was also scared that I would be stuck in that room as ragdoll-like-things, it felt very tight and made me a little claustrophobic, it flipped and we became pieces of moving papers. I wanted it to stop. The flipping was getting on my nerves.


Danial had to use the bathroom now. He left the room and was gone for a really long time. Jazz and I figured he must have gotten lost. We went out to look for him. She went into the living room. But I saw him further up ahead in the kitchen. I walked over to him. He opened the refrigetor and closed it. He opened it again and took something out. He opened it again and closed it. He opened it and put something in. I asked him what he was doing. He said, "Oh, I was just getting something."


I went back into the room and Jazz was there looking at the time on the computer. It was two in the morning. I laid down on the bed. Danial finally came back into the room. He stood there looking angry, said that he wanted to hurt me. Jazz asked him why. He said he didn't know. I had to leave before we accidentally kill each other. I kept asking them for the phone. They wouldn't let me have it. I thought I had stabbed myself with the knife in the kitchen (I took it just in case my male friend decides to attack me, so I kill him first or take him with me). I saw blood all over my clothes, my hands, my face, on the floor, on the walls. I saw a flash of Jazz and Danial cut all over with blood and gouge out eyes. I started freaking out about the damage I have done. They looked like they were done tripping and I was still having flashes. We were in the room, blood was all over the walls, I've never seen so much damage, down the hall was walls covered with smeared blood (you could even have a detective write a story of every mark on the wall and explain what happened).


At some time, Jazz handed me the phone at last after I repeated the numbers I was going to dial for what seemed like hours. She was convinced that I knew what I was doing (I did, but the more I tried to remember the number, the more I forgot, then when I got the phone, the only number I remember was 2 and 6, I thought I was dying, I was going to call my ex to pick me up and take me to get treated), and so I called the cops.


Jazz and Danial had to wake up his guardians because the cops were coming. Danial brought a glass cup of milk, I took a sip, but that was all before I started having flashes of blood and gore again. I got hit and run over by an ambulance truck causing the lower half of my body to be tore apart from the other. Jazz came in with the cup and told me to drink it. I couldn't see out of my left eye at all. I asked her where it was. She touched the spot where my left eye was and told me it was there. I asked her if I was dead. She says no. I asked her what it was. She told me it'll make me get better. I asked her if she was sure, she said "yes, I'm a professional". I drank it all at once. Flashes of blood invaded my mind. The lower half of my body from below the diaphragm was torn off and was on another stretcher (the bed-like thing at hospitals) and my legs on another. Doctors and nurses dressed in green all over the place, working fast. Antoher flash, different doctors and nurses that kept looking at me in a oh-dear-god expression and pity, saying "I'm sorry..." as I laid on the stretcher. Flash, a bloody electric guitar, sharp and large pieces of wood ripped off the neck of it, blood all over the walls and heavily soaked in the carpet. Apparently, I screwed myself with Danial's guitar. Another flash, my mother was sitting on a chair in the hospital, I have no idea how long she's been there, but it must be a long time, my ex was also there with her. I think my mom picked him up.


Jazz was crying as she sat leaning on the wall on the bed, but in my mind she looked like my friend but was my mom because I assumed that the mushrooms were messing with my perception and I had assumed the bed was actually a chair. "I just wanted you to be happy" she said to me.


I was being taken home now, Jazz was walking with me out the house and down the few steps, my arm over the her shoulder, having to carry most of my weight. I eventually stopped in front of the truck I was going to be taken home in, not knowing what to do. She tried getting me in the car and ended up picking me up and tossing me in there. When I was tossed in, I had a flash, I was shoved into the fridge in the morgue. Then men that worked at the morgue said, "I'm sorry..." and slid me into the depths of the morgue, closed shut and the same time I flashed back and my female friend shut the car door, still crying (I still thought she was my mom). Flash, it was very quiet in the darkness of the morgue, and it was icy cold, like being in a refrigerator (it was probably four in the morning and it was quiet because I was alone in the truck. "Wow... Gee I'm dead... What now?" I thought to myself in the cold darkness.


My ex thought I was turned on (I guess my body was, but I wasn't) so yes he screwed me. In my mind I was being sown back together so I did nothing to stop him. I just know it hurt a lot and he wouldn't stop. Then I woke up, I heard a beeping sound (it must have been one of those things that's shows you your heart is still beating and you're not dead), it was quiet. Very quiet. It was dark. The only light was from his computer (that glowed a green, the mini heater, and the computer screen. My ex took the digital camera off the couch (he had to reach above my head to get it). I was in a different room at the hospital (if you put everything that I saw together, you would be convinced it was a hospital room as well). I looked at him. Then I finally said, after he was fiddling around with the camera that glowed for some time, "What is that?" He didn't answer me. After I had asked him the same question over and over he finally answer me "It's a camera." "Why?" I asked."So I can record you and show what you look like later" I nodded. Then I asked him where my legs where (I was cold so he put me in a sleeping bag, my legs were covered, zipped up in the sleeping bag). He patted my legs in the sleeping bag. He told me they were safe. I was then convinced I'd lost my legs and that they were in a bag now. I had lost over 20 pounds in a month (caused by my emotions, and way of living and him telling me I was fat) I went from 106 lbs to 87 lbs in a month. My ribs stuck out and made my arms feel weird that convinced me that I did lose a lot of blood and half of my body and got it sown back together. Except my legs. My left eye was gone as well. (I'm terribly blind in my left eye, on shrooms… I couldn't see out of it at all, nothing, like it wasn't there at all). I was convinced he was a doctor and asked him something about his field him work. He gave me this half sarcastic look and told me he wasn't a doctor with a half laugh. I said fine, if he was going to be anal about it, I said nurse. He said he wasn't a nurse. I didn't believe him. I made a deal with him that if I had guessed his name right he would tell me. I threw out more than enough names and none of them was his. I told him he looked familiar. He asked me who. I told him I wasn't allowed to tell him (my ex didn't like me talking about him at all) or else he would get mad. So I was talking to my ex like I would talk to doctors at the hospital. Later I was "back". The doctor I was with… his color, pigments… like watching a scratched movie, he became my ex. The room was like refrigerator of a meat shop. Hard frost everywhere. The room was black and white, the only things that had color was the book shelf, the heater, my ex, and me. He sat looking sadly at me. Meeting my eyes with painful looks for short seconds. I said his name. He looked at me. I asked him what happened. He told me I was on shrooms. I got flashbacks of blood. His eyes were gouge out. Blood was everywhere. All over in the kitchen, all over his room. He didn't fight me. I realized what I have done (I was angry with him for lying and cheating on me). I must have killed myself so no one can take me away. "No… You're dead…" I said to him. He just looked at me. He looked away painfully. And shriveled into an old man and stopped moving like he died. I shouted his name. He sat up and looked at me shouting in a low whisper "WHAT?". This kept happening as we kept talking. Everytime I said something that was negative in the smallest way, in any way, it would happen. Half the time he said "WHAT?!" I would start to explain and he would interrupt and scream at me in a whisper "SHUT UP!!". That was typical for us. He wants an explaination for everything and when I start to explain he interrupts as Mr.I-Know-Everything-And-I'll-Only-Let-You-Say Three-Words-And-Not-Even-Try-To-Listen-Because-I'm-Always-Right-And-Everything-That-Comes-Out-Of-Your-Fucking-Mouth-Is-Wrong and tells me that he's right and that I'm wrong because I never stop to listen to what he has to say. Apparently. He got up. I got up after him. I said his name and asked him what happened. I asked him if I had killed him. He never answered me. I told him I was sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. I told him he made me angry. I told him my plans of killing the girl he was constantly talking to (I would never have if I didn't know we were dead), he just listened. I told him what I have done already and that was why she doesn't answer and talk to him as much anymore… Since we were dead, and the only place I got to go in was our room and the bathroom. He wouldn't let me go anywhere else. He told me it was dangerous outside. I asked him why. I went to the window and he pulled me back telling me that they will see me. I asked him who. He said they will. I let it drop there, he made it sound so bad, I let it go. So there I was, dead with my ex. I laughed when I thought about it, I had never expected death to be this way, I thought we would just lose our human shells and start wandering around, slowly forgetting who and what we are.. He didn't say anything, he just let me babble, I think he had learned that there's no convincing me that we weren't dead and we were just in his room and I was tripping. Hours later, colors came back and my trip came to an end.