Yelling, Screaming, Kicking and Punching.

Perhaps! Perhaps I have signed myself over to be experimented on and my memories are not carried over to this realm. Perhaps all those dreams of signing contracts are tainted memories of whatever that was able to passed over. Perhaps we were all forced to sign ourselves over to this new world if we wanted to continue, be forced to play this horrible game.

What would happen if I lose? Is there a rule book? Is it programmed into my mind? Is that why I have to meditate to read it? Is that why I keep hearing, "the mind has all of the answers to our questions"? HA-HA I thought those drugs were making me a little insane... Those drugs did help me see different sides of this reality, even if it did mess me up emotionally.

What would happen if I lose on purpose? Game over? That's it right? No second chance. No restart button. I will eventually be forgotten like any other memory right? Goodie. Now how do I win? The shamans and monks have been meditating forever and they still haven't found the answers?! If they did why can't they share? No, why can't they just tell us they've found the answer? Is that against the rules too?!

I keep seeing this ripping effect in the corner of my right eye. The spot where I suspect a camera to be. I've been seeing it for a week now.

What happens if I do win the game? Do I become one with the others to forever be at peace? That is just absurd as the heaven theory.

Look at what I have just run into:

"Shape of the Tongue
A normal tongue is neither too big or too small, swollen or shrivelled; is smooth without cracks, no pimples or eruptions. Cracks on the tongue, if not present at birth, may be a sign of chronic or severe illness. Red eruptions or pimples are a sign of Heat or of Congealed Blood.

Congealed Blood means the blood is not flowing and the condition is characterized by sharp stabbing pains, and or tumors, cysts, or swelling of the organs. On a psychological level there is an inability to feel safe, suspiciousness, paranoia and delusions."

I have the congealed blood characterized by sharp stabbing pains. I've had it for three days and it's getting worse. I refuse to believe I am delusional! If I refuse that makes me insane! If I say I am not then I am! If I say I am then I am delusional! And I refuse to believe I am delusional!