The Rebirth Experiment -Pornography Entry-

I am currently undergoing a mental rebirth experiment, officially started as of Friday, Febuary 11, 2011, 12:06 PM, Day of Venus, Hour of Mars, Moon at First Quarter. If I would explain exactly what I am doing you would think it is a self-brain-washing experiment or I have snapped. No, I haven't snapped, it is truly an experiment, and I may change completely and not come back to how I was. I regret nothing.

I've offically brainwashed myself into accepting and liking pornography. I like it not as a tool, but as a movie, something artistic, though the VAST majority of it is just rubbish and was made to be used as a tool.

I was watching Hitoriga The Animation, episode one. It's about a japanese school girl who thinks she is different from other girls at school because the other girls at school brag about having sex and being molested and they were making fun of her saying that no one wants to molest her. She thinks differently, saying that she has much more pride than to do that. On the train she gets molested, rejects it but is frozen in shock and can't move, her body reacts to it, but she is still rejecting it, still frozen in shock., I can understand this shock, to many people it seems stupid and unrealistic, but I've been there.

You are wondering why I have decided to do this... I am doing this because I could not stand the thought of not standing the thought of pornography and anything that would link up to it. If I discover a logical reason for why I should or shouldn't continue to hold grunges against this, I may break from this mental retardation. I will not continue on living narrow-minded, spiteful and grunge-bearing. I am understanding how to accept things and people the way they are, no matter how horrible I or society sees them. I feel that it will help me become spiritually enlighten by facing my nightmares.